Forever NW Portland Wedding Video

Pre-marital photography...

Just wanted to update a bit, I have the design plan done for the programs, yay! I hope they work out, they should be cute! Everything is falling together quite nicely! I'm very excited, 48 days people!







Thank you Jennifer Cook from Lovelight Photography!

Wedding Planning

So we were set, finally set on a date August 25th, no changing it this time. Surrogacy was done, I'll be finished with school, and it would give us some time to plan and save.

We started backwards, like we always do, and booked the honeymoon first. So NOW we have to get Married the 25th, cause we have to be in Hawaii on the 26th. Yay, I have 7 months to plan something I know nothing about except, white dress.

But, then life happened...and well the date had to change, so now May 26th. Yea that's right, I went from 7 months to 3 months.

No worries, I got this!

So first things, first! Find a venue, that is affordable, beautiful, and will work for both ceremony, and reception to which we found the Bell Tower Chapel:


I went to tour it on a snowy day, the power was out, the basement was flooding, but it was perfect!

So we secured that, now on to our invites/rsvp:



They were so much fun to make...with the exception to the $30 mistake I made by printing Garcia Wrong the first time. :) Even Better than making them, has been getting them back in the mail!

So what's next?

Dresses! This I had no intention of showing anyone, however Kim and Marissa were with me, and I could not hide my excitement for my dress, so they have seen it. As well as their dresses. I can't wait to share my wedding dress photos...but have to wait till after the wedding.

Here is my hanger for the dress shots





Since then we have priced out tuxes, secured a bartender, secured a photographer, priced linen rentals, designed our cake, priced hair/makeup work, florists, received my guest book that I had special ordered, and working on a couple DIY projects that I'm really excited to share. Schedule an engagement shot with our photographer...like I said, we do things backwards...regardless we get them done though!

So, right now it just seems like a waiting game.

*Note to anyone planning a wedding, DO NOT do it while you are unemployed. You will find your self in front of the internet with endless possibilities, and a lack of funding. It takes alot out of me to drag myself away from the girly wedding stuff that I thought I would never have anything to do with, and I LOVE it!

More to come later...

Don't have time for what???

So last night in 12 minutes

I did:
90 lunges
45 squats
40 kettlebell swings (wish I remembered the weight, I want to say 20lb for first 20, 30 for second set of 20)

Keith did
100 lunges
50.5 squats (he didn't want to get shorted the .5, as he was halfway down when the buzzer went off)
50 kettlebell swings (25lbs for the first 10, 35lbs for remainder)


So, don't tell me you don't have time...

I can't wait to revisit this challenge in month or so and see the progress we have made.

Day 2 & 3

Embarking on Day 4 today of the whole 30 Challenge...Kelly didn't think I'd make it past today, and Aaron was asking Keith if he thought I cheated yet, I haven't cheated, and if I did, I'd only be lying to myself. I did ALMOST slipped up. I never realized how much I took bites out of my kids food while cooking for them, pudding, mac and cheese, cereal. All those bites licks, and tastes(BLT's according to Becky) count. The one time I did slip up, it ended up being a whole food I was allowed to eat...yay for pistachios!

Day two was much better than day one, dinner just tasted like curry, and I love curry! Day 3...lets just say I went to bed a little hungry. The dinner didn't turn out right, it was mushy and tasted weird, so I ate some of the chicken and called it a night.

Side note: Day 2 & 3 - Killer headache...not sure if they are here so soon, as this is a side affect of the cleanse, but oh my god, it hurt so bad!

I can't thank Kelly enough for doubting me, it just helps me want to prove that I can. I know there have probably been alot of doubters, but none to voice it. So thank you Kelly, and keep your damn oreos out of my sight!

Ok, so another part of the challenge is to stay off the scale for the 30 days, and while yes THIS isn't about losing weight, I am someone that steps on it every morning like clockwork, and writes down the number. I can see the good and bad choices I make and it helps me make the right ones for that day. Watching the number go down is very encouraging to me. I don't want to be 230 again! While THIS challenge isn't about weight loss, it is overall a goal of mine so I'm eager to see what it will say in 26 days. No matter what it says, I'm already feeling so much better physically. fit > skinny, and that is my overall goal, fit, not skinny.

I will say I am counting down the days, and the whole 30 probably won't be a lifestyle, but its a good start to eating whole, and making better choices in the future.

Whole 30, Day 1

So on February 6th we started a Whole 30 challenge. It ISN’T to lose weight, were not starving ourselves, so don't be fooled. For me it’s just to kick start our bodies with our new Cross Fit challenges, and see what it is like to live without processed foods for a month.

Our 'no' list include:
Processed foods - obviously
Grains
Beans
Soy
Sugar - such as brown sugar, maple syrup, agave nectar, stevia, honey, or artificial sweeteners
Dairy - no cheese :(
Alcohol - yup, I've officially lost Keith now
White potatoes
Vegetable oils

So what do we eat?

Animals and plants sums it up quite nicely.

Ok..so I agreed to this, and maybe I should have silently so when I craved that Thai food, choc chip cookies...I would only be lying to myself...but NOOO I had to go and hold myself accountable and say "HA, I laugh at challenges...yea I'll do it"

So here we go...

Day 1 - I looked at the cookbook, wrote a shopping list, and went to the market, paid a small fortune came home and was kind of getting excited to cook. I can totally do this...nope, I'm ready to quit, there is a lot to do to prepare. The food smells weird; kids and Keith will never like this, it’s going to be awful. I'm not a cook...all these negative thoughts were coming to me and I was doubting myself and kicking myself in the ass for agreeing to this. I pushed through and figured it’s just Day 1, it will get better.

Keith got home and I lost it, my poor brain was stressed to the max on if food would be good, staying in the challenge, amongst other household stresses.

That night for dinner I made “Shephard’s Pie” The mashed potatoes were replaced with cauliflower, and it wasn’t bad. No one knew what the cauliflower was, the kids just said the mashed potatoes were bland. Score!

Things I learned in day one:

Plan ahead!!! It's alittle overwhelming to take in everything at once
It's expensive...maybe I'm shopping at the wrong stores...next week Farmers market
Jicama is NOT pronounced how it looks, and you will get funny looks when pronounced wrong
Crying is ok, and sometimes necessary.

Alright, made it through day 1, 29 to go!

Cross Fit

So I heard about cross fit, and with how much I loved flashing my guns, it sounded amazing to me...so I asked Keith if he wanted to join me as well.

Keith and I joined crossfit on January 30th. A year and a half ago this work out that they are STARTING us on would have been easy...done it with a hand behind my back while doing jumping jacks around the instructor...on this day...not so much, 1.5 years of not working out, poor eating habits, and having a baby wrecked havoc on this body of mine. I went form a size 12/14 to 18/20 ACK! I never wanted to be here again, what happened? Who cares, the damage is done and now were moving forward.

So I pushed through rowing, pushups (which turns out I can't do anymore) and whatever she threw our way. Day 2...waste no time, lets do pullups...um no! Day 3 KTE (knee to elbow) yay it sounds fun...its not! I tried saying I was afraid of heights, turns out 5" wouldn't classify as "heights", but I did it.

They always talk about muscle memory, my muscles do not remember very well at all it turns out, much like me.

Ok, so a week into cross fit I've already noticed changes. I'm sore again, and love it! I have more energy, and get up and clean the house, wake up and look for work, better moods and super share, but the ole sexual drive is back. These all make a girl...and her man happy. (Your welcome mom, I know you were dying to know)

So were into the routine of cross fit now, and they send me an email about a challenge...Since I'm feeling amazing again, I think, "HA, I laugh at challenges...yea I'll do it"

to be cont...

An Amazing Journey...

Here he is everyone:
Baby Shep
9lbs 7 oz
20 1/4"
10/15
11:28pm



Wow guys, It's been 2 weeks. I wanted to wait to let things sink in a bit, depression to kick in, feeling like I'm missing something...something along those lines, but nothing. Pretty grateful for that. I knew the risks, and still do, as well as all of you. I know you have been worried for me, and I appreciate your thoughts!

So 2 weeks ago I got to fulfill something I have wanted to do for over 10 years. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, 9lbs 7 oz (yikes!!!) and I got to give this little guy over to his family. I can't even describe to you how amazing that felt, to finally after over a year of meeting this incredible family, to help them complete it. The smiles on their faces, and seeing their older son light up when he saw his new baby brother! Seriously people, you should do it, or at least witness it sometime!

It was an easy labor up until the end, but seriously, 9lbs 7 oz. I have never been so physically drained after any of my kids, but then again, my kids were much much easier, and went much smoother, it was a long day, and night, and took awhile to recover my body after that, but I'm feeling 'normal' again.


So questions everyone keeps asking:

How are you doing? I have only had one moment where for a split second I felt alone, and it was sad. On my first day back to work, driving in I realized that this little man wasn't inside me, dancing along to the music, or that he wasn't there for me to bust out some sugarland 'Car'aoke too, but overall there is not better answer how I'm doing than great! I have never been so proud of myself for accomplishing something I have always wanted to do. Also very proud of the fact that I am doing good. I know I went into it thinking, I don't want more kids...yadda yadda, but in reality I am a woman, who carried a baby for 9 months, I have hormones, and at times they will take over...but they haven't, well not yet anyways. I'll keep ya posted.


Does it feel weird? Yes, yes it does...2 weeks ago I was pregnant, exhausted, and uncomfortable, last night I slept on my belly and didn't wake 3 times to pee, I don't wake to a crying baby, but I do to sore boobs, and I have a massive supply of breast milk in my freezer at any given moment...yes, it is very weird indeed, but not in a bad weird kinda way.

Does it make you want a baby? Nope, not at all. I have a 13 year old boy that reminds me everyday why I don't want more. Just kidding. :) Babies are adorable, they make the cutest sounds, and do the cutest things, but I love what I have now, and don't feel like I need or want that in my life. This is what friends are for...to have babies for me to love, and send home!

Will you keep in contact? Yes, first of all, I'm pumping for baby Shep, hence the freezer full of milk, its not for Keith's coffee :), and second of all, I got matched with a great family, and they want Shep, and their other son to know their birth stories. This is actually something I was really hoping for in a family, its an incredible journey we took together as a team. Lots of memories on my side, and I'm sure on their side as well.

Would you do it again? For them...in a heartbeat, but with an epidural next time, that was a big baby! With someone else, I don't think so, I just don't think I could possibly beat the experience I had this time.

So right now I am creating a scrapbook, or memory book, or cd of some sort for our family to remember our journey. If you can think of anything I should possibly add into it, please let me know. I am open to thoughts and suggestions.

Controversy on surrogacy...who knew?

I decided to do a paper on surrogacy for school because my teacher introduced me to class as a surrogate, despite its controversy...what??? What controversy? I had no idea, until I began to search. It blew my mind, different legalities, moral and ethical, selling babies, treating children as commodities...it just kept going. Some states its legal, but not to pay your surrogate, some states its legal for man and wife, but not for a same sex couple, some its just illegal all together, and some it just depends on the type of surrogacy.

Just sayin' I had no idea. I really haven't faced any negativity, and for that I'm grateful.

What's up with the haters in our world today?

It so hard for me to imagine the animosity. I grew up in Willamina, we didn't really have diversity that I remember, either that or I was so oblivious to it. I just wonder how I can live so sheltered from society...move to Portland, and not think twice about it.

just random thoughts.

Week 26...almost 3rd trimester

Wow, where has the time gone to?

Lets see whats going on here now...

Week 26 of the pregnancy, time seems to be flying by. I don't know if the dads would necessarily agree on that, but for me it is. Made me realize how close we were getting when she asked me if I registered for Labor and Delivery yet.

It is such an experience I tell you! I love the moments when I almost forget I'm pregnant (yes baby allows this from time to time) , and I feel this little guy using me as a punching bag or a trampoline and I just think...wow, i did it, I did what I have been dreaming of since I first gave birth to Aaron 13 years ago. It never fails, I always want to cry. I can't even begin describe what a joy it is. I know there are a few people are worried about me afterward, wondering how I will cope. I honestly can't answer this question. I feel strong, I know this is not our baby, I don't feel an attachment, and as much as I enjoy the pregnancy I can't wait for the day I get to see the joy it brings to Mike, Steven, and Soren! My fears lie elsewhere, not in attachment to the baby.

So as of now, apparently this little guy is about 2.2 lbs the calendar says, and the length of a cucumber. Its reassuring to know size of baby, the bigger the better. I'm pretty sure that 2.2 lbs has got to be muscles, he is just pushing me every which way he can, and when I have a full bladder, he attacks it with a vengeance. It's quite funny at times. He has kicked Aiden in the head, which Aiden thought was hilarious. I really don't think the older kids will really be phased by whats going on...especially now they have a little brother or sister on the way, but Aiden I'm curious. I know he knows the baby isn't ours, but I don't know if he fully understands. He proudly tells others that this is not ours...we'll see.

oops forgot to post this forever ago...Week 15

Over this last week I realized I should be more consistent on when and where I'm journaling the pregnancy. I have papers, emails to myself, notepad, and word, as well as one on my blog. I need to compile them all together. So I think I'm going to find what I have, and compile it in one spot...by the events of this week, I think I'll have time soon to get this all organized and put together.

So without a play by play, that I have written somewhere else...lol...this week we had a complication in the pregnancy, Monday, Keith, Mike, and I spent the evening in the emergency room for bleeding, to have them say they don't know why, sometimes it just happens. Wednesday morning, same issue with the bleeding, so I called the doc's office, and left an urgent message. over 4 hours go by without a call back, so I called to ask them what actually classifies as 'urgent', and after explaining again, I was transferred to the midwife on call right away. I spoke with Michelle and she said that after reviewing the ultrasound again, they determined that I have a complete placenta previa. This is where the placenta is covering the cervix.

So anyways, no bedrest, but pelvic rest. For those of you who don't know what that is...Lifting no more than a gallon of milk, no over doing it and super share...no sex, ok I can handle that...wait a min...WHAT??? No orgasm either? EEK! Apparently these can all trigger contractions, which leads to bleeding which equals bad. :( Let me tell you now, still on the super shares...This was a true test to Keith to see how much that boy loves me. It's not like I couldn't offer services to him...but I was still a bit upset about my restrictions that I hadn't quite come around to accepting what others were allowed to do. He says, "but you promised me a teeter totter" Yup, thats my Keith! This guy is a trooper, my mom gave him props, said he must really love me. :) The feelings is mutual, I guess it just was allowing us to develop other aspects of a relationship.

JUMPING TO TODAY: Anyways, this time has now passed...the previa is completely gone, as well as the restrictions. We have a normal healthy pregnancy. :)

Feeling good...

Finally out of my 1st trimester, and starting to feel human again. It is really nice to feel good again, and be able to eat normally!

On that note, since I was able to move I decided to go move my body with Becky last week. That was quite the experience! It blew my mind that I use to work out like that, harder than that 3 times a week, sometimes twice a day, and it was 'easy'. Over time I worked myself from 260 lbs to 195 lbs, um yay! That was very exciting and something I was super proud of, what I wasn't so proud of was when I slowly started creeping back up and eventually made it to 230 again. Definitely not proud, it has been hard for me to see anyone that was there for my journey, especially Becky. I was so disappointed in myself for choices I had and was making. On top of being miserable because of the pregnancy, I have been miserable due to the weight gain, clothes not fitting, and just feeling gross again. I don't know how I ever lived complacently like this, it is not the life for me for sure!

So now, here I sit, 224 lbs, 12.5 weeks pregnant, and obviously weight loss is out of the question, but one thing isn't, and that is making healthy decisions, and choosing to move my body everyday. I can't go back to lifting weights and working out like I was (thank god, no burpees) but I can take my dog for a walk, go do cardio, and do some gentler workouts, yes Becky gentler! :)

Obviously, I will be gaining weight, but I am going to make the choice for that to be a healthy weight gain. Now that I'm pregnant, soda isn't an issue for me...however sweets are. eek, so will have to work on that some. I seem to crave fruits and veggies most of all, so I think I can use this to my advantage.

So, here's to a healthy fun pregnancy, and good choices!

Probably stuff you already knew...just journalling.

Oh, wow, how far we have come...most everyone knows everything that has been going on, but I want to blog so I have more of a journal of it for myself.

December 24, 2010, I began subcut. injections, and estrogen.
Early January I began Progrestrone Shots.

Estrogen and Progrestrone are what your body naturally produces when you are pregnant. Progrestrone is the fun one, leads to mood swings, weight gain, excessive gas, bloating, exhaustion and nausea.

On January 27th, we implanted the two embryos. What an experience, it was crazy to watch this on the ultrasound, it looked like the dropped two little pearls into my uterus, with an extremely full and painful bladder, then they tipped me slightly upside down. Here is when my body went into shakes a little bit, this is real...this is happening, we just implanted two embryos, in a less than a week I could be pregnant. How crazy is that.

I came home from my appointment to some birthday/thank you flowers from the guys, and I did as doctor ordered, and planted myself on the couch and did nothing!

Waiting was really tough, but I seemed to get nauseous, tender breasts, and somewhat crampy, all signs of your period is coming...or early pregnancy. I'm so excited, everyone's hoping for twins, and as much as the c-sections scare me, I am too. What a blessing that would be for the guys. Really with how nauseous I felt, I felt like it better be twins!

About 4 days before my blood test appointment, Kim peaked my interested and asked if I cheated and bought a pregnancy test, and I hadn't because they said they could show false positive, so I never thought about it till she asked. Well, kinda peaked my interest, so I went and bought two tests. I have never used a defective test, yet somehow both of these tests were. The control line never appeared...WTH! Guess there is someone somewhere just telling me to be patient, and I was.

With or without the tests, I was convinced, there was no way I could possibly feel so miserable without being pregnant, or having the flu. :) Mike emailed me later that day, and told me not to stress about the test, that if it didn't work, we would find another donor, and get the ball rolling again.

So Monday rolls around...blood test #1, comes back positive, Wednesday blood test #2, came back positive, apparently my hCG levels tripled in that amount of time, so looks like maybe multiples.

Our ultrasound is scheduled, and the day comes, and IT SNOWS! What??? I'm so excited, I look outside and it looked well enough to venture out, so we opted to keep our appointment, and went in. Mike joined me for the ultrasound, both of us very ancy to see how many, and get a good healthy heartbeat. Which we did!!! Strong heartbeat, 6 weeks, 3 days, just one baby. It's sad to think the other didn't make it, but whats meant to be, will be. It looked like there was another sac, so maybe the other embryo tried, but didn't quite make it.

Good High five to the new daddy to be, hugs and just anxiously awaiting our next appointment to hear that amazing fetal heartbeat again!

March 21, 2011, is our first prenatal. I am 10 weeks, 3 days along, and should be able to pick up a heartbeat. I got to see Maggie Shaw again, Very exciting to get caught up, but its heartbeat time. I'm anxious, I think we all have some worries when it comes time for that. I found myself looking at the wall, and not able to look at anyone in the room, especially Mike when they couldn't find it. I was really scared of what could be, even though Maggie pre-warned us that there was a good chance we wouldn't be able to hear it. She told me though, that she would just do an ultrasound real quick, and I thank her for not letting Mike, Steven and I live in suspense for a whole week.

She put the ultrasound on, and that little bugger was just flipping and flopping all around, rolling and flailing its arms, what a wonderful sight, and such a great stress reliever.

So now I'm just waiting till my next appointment on April 25th, and in the meantime trying to eat healthy, or at all. I am so nauseous, and exhausted it is really hard to do anything. I am seeing my school work lag behind a bit, and my housework as well. It really just takes everything I have to do laundry. I could sleep all day if possible, and I do when I get the chance to. (Thanks Keith)

Anyways, most of this is things I've told you already, but like I said, its more of just a journal for my reference, something to look back on. To remind myself of this different experience that my family and I get to go on.

Just a quick update...

Oh, wow...I was trying to get back in the habit of this, turns out I didn't. I found it much easier to blog when I had my laptop, I really don't like sitting in front of this computer to blog.

Ok, so some major changes in my life are happening, alot, and I am so excited for them all.

First off lets start with some bad news...Fitness, and good choices have taken a back burner in my life...yet again. It is so easy to come up with excuses, or make a mistake and say, "I'll start back up tomorrow." I found with no one to hold myself accountable to I stopped caring, stopped cooking healthy.

So what am I doing about that? We'll I'm making a plan. Visiting Becky once a week, get some good gossiping in as well as a workout, and someone I have to face weekly and say, "Yup, I ate some cookie dough" (Becky if your reading this, I really did) So hopefully, I can get this turned back around and start showing some progress again! It really is easy to do, so I'm not sure why I stopped doing it.

OK, on with the good news, gonna go ahead and save the bestest for last...keep ya reading. :)

I am in school full time, at Pioneer Pacific College, in the Medical Assisting program. So far so good. I have almost all A's, and one B, however their grading system is higher standard, anywhere else I'd have straight A's. Either way, I'm very exicted. I learned to draw blood, learned how the heart works, and wow, that is really amazing. I am super excited and love the environment I am in. At PCC, I didn't understand what I was learning, it just didn't soak in, and here it has, very much so. Right now were learning about the blood and Lymph systems, not nearly as exciting as the heart for me, but it really is amazing. Anyways, my plan with this, is after words, I will attend PCC, and knock out some pre-req's for the nursing program, and eventually make my way there. It might not be right after Pioneer, but this is the overall plan.

Ok, moving on...I am so super excited about this bit. I have been matched with a family, jumped all sorts of medical and physiological hoops, contract signed, and now just waiting for blood to come back, and we are ready to roll on getting PREGNANT!!! Wow, 10-12 years ago, this truly was just a dream to be able to share this experience with a family, and now we are sooo close. I can't wait to get the process started!

Lastly, but bestly!!! I'm getting MARRIED!!! I never really thought I would, but I found him, my best friend, and can't imagine anything better. I know I had my ups and downs and my doubts with him, but they were always for the wrong reasons, my head was always in the clouds, and looking for something that was right in front of me the whole time. We are moving in together, and are ready to pick a date. We decided 2012 will be the year, originally we were thinking next year, but with the surrogacy, I'd rather just wait. Now we are going to sit down and pin down a date. We are only doing this once, so 2012, gives us plenty of time to plan and save for exactly what we want. My ring should be done getting sized, not next Monday, but the following...yay!

Till next time...

oh blog, how I have neglected thee...

wow, it has been awhile, but I feel like the last few months have been a whirl wind, and things are finally settling down again.

Not a whole lot to say, I am getting back into the swing of things, and just wanted to swing in and say I haven't forgotten about you dear sweet blog of mine, I was simply distracted by the finer things in life...boyfriend, kids, holidays, school, friends, and all sorts of goodies.

Hopefully I can get back to blogging on a regular basis, especially since I've had requests, mostly to monitor how I was doing on my weight loss.

Well here it goes...

I'd love to say I plateaued, but I didn't, but really it came down to bad choices. That's it. 1 chocolate chip cookie lead to many, which lead to some cake, which lead to oh well, screw it I love food, and was eating crap. I gained a few pounds, not much, but enough to be uncomfortable, enough that my clothes were uncomfortable, and for the first time on this journey I bought clothes to cater to the now, I bought a 14 instead of the 12...ugh! I also became a huge fan of hoodies, ya they are comfy and I will wear them, but I was beginning to wear them because I wanted to hide what little I'd gained back. bad, bad, bad!!! Then I read an article, I don't remember where, but it specifically said to wear your snug clothes, it will motivate you to fit them correctly...oh and that article is oh so right!

Now I am working hard, and back on track. Making better choices, writing in my food journal, and just in general making good choices, I vowed to not be a calorie counter in the begininning of my journey, but I'm finding it helpful in making better choices, and learning what I can eliminate from meals to make the better choices. I try to eat clean, but again, I love food, and there are a few things that I am just a big fan of. I am planning ahead for those times where I know my choices might not be the best, like tonight hanging with the bfff, I bought us a yummy snack, but I will say, it has been sitting in my fridge for a few days untouched, I didn't touch a lick of my kids Easter candy as I was preparing their baskets, and in general distracted myself from some nasty cravings.

As far as working out, I am going back to see Becky every other week, and will create workouts for myself on the other weeks, this will ease me into creating my routines, while keeping my motivation up.

Gonna talk to Becky and see if I can get a pinch and see where I am at so I can monitor as I move forward. I will defintely share my results with everyone.

Have a fantastic day!

Brandini~

My life is very crazy and busy, but I love it that way.

Wow life is crazy...

I have been working and going to school full time, take care of three kids, maintain a schedule at the gym, and what ever else gets thrown my way. I am so overwhelmed right now...ACK, but the term is coming to an end, and I don't wanna jump the gun yet, cause I don't know if I have passed one of my classes, but I did it! 1 term down, too many more to go. :) Passed math with an "A" and Computers with a "B". My guess is a C to maybe even a B in writing, I'm happy as long as I pass.

Next term I'm back at it again Math, Public Speaking, and Writing again. I was torn between taking a class I wanted to take or the Writing 122, but I'm gonna get the crap out of the way now so I don't have to stress on it later. I am very nervous about both Writing 122, and the public speaking. Eek, we will see how this goes, I may need to use you as an audience, so yay, you can participate too.

As far as the gym, my progress definitely is not what it was the last go round, but the important part is I am going down, and toning up. Last night I found a list of goals that I had written myself, and as reading over them, I realized I didn't come close to accomplishing any of them, or really even starting on them. Tonight, I am going to create something to put on my door so these goals are somewhere I see them everyday, and I can't put off till 'tomorrow'. I know with school this term the program kinda got pushed to the back burner. They are both very important to me, they both require my time, I just need to learn to balance gym, work, kids, and school. I know it can be done, and I'm hoping that during my winter break I can get a bit more organized and set my self up for success in all of these departments.

I am at a point now, where I think I should leave the group. I'm scared to leave, but thinkmaybe I should try, 1 for financial reasons, and 2, because sooner or later I am going to have to do it on my own. So plan of action now, is to finish out the 16 weeks (thank you Keith) and maybe venture out to learn how to do this on my own. I am confident I can continue to lose and get in shape, I think that I have a good support system, and plenty of people willing to help...Thank you all!

Kid life has been good. Kids obviously are so excited for Christmas, Aiden is really excited about all the lights, loved meeting Santa, and he wants a train, that's all just a train. Easy enough. Aaron and Marissa, are really excited to go to Glama's house for Christmas, and so am I!!! 16 more days!!!

Last week I went to a story reading with Marissa at her school, she read a story she wrote. She really does have an amazing writing voice, and I got to hear it, it was incredible! I am very proud of her!!!

Aaron had his first viola concert last night. Unfortunately Heath and I had what we thought would be prime seating, however the conductor (is that what they are called) was standing directly in our line of sight the whole time. Either way, I was very proud of him, he was so nervous. He has another concert this Friday at his school that I look forward to attending, and recording. I'll post it online when I have a chance.


Anyways, someone asked me last week to keep up on the Blog, so there ya have it, my life in a nutshell right now...

Lots of love~

Don't know where I wondered off to, but I'm ready to come back home...

I feel like the last month or month and a half have been crazy, between work, kids, school, the gym, and what little of a personal life I have anymore. I feel like somewhere in here I have lost me, what my overall goals are, and what I need to achieve them.

Overall I am happy, very much so, but there are a few things that need some tweaking. School, needs to jump back up on my priority list. I have let this fall behind, and I was struggling with it before hand. The gym, I don't know what came and kicked me in my ass, but something did. It seems to have left me stopped dead in my tracks. It's like I almost quit trying, and there have been days where I think, "Why am I doing this?", and remember that is the wrong attitude to have. I spent my weekend thinking of what it could be, personally I think my personal life is what was dragging me down, I feel like right now that I am not in a place that I want to be, I am doing things that make others happy, and not myself, and its taking a toll on everything. Then yesterday two people mentioned that they were proud of me, and that hit me, that just revved me up. I am ready to go kick some ass again.

I've got my journal back out, got my plan in my head, just getting all those pieces back to where they need to be. I know that I can do anything I put my mind to.

We started a new Human Billboard Class approximately 4 weeks ago, we have lost some people, and gained some new in this new group of people, I am definitely missing the ones that didn't come back, Margaret, so quiet and cute, and Kevin was just a lot of fun to have around. I am having more great times with the ones that stayed, Glen, Tracy, Caroline, Linda, and loving the new crew. One in particular I think is going to be a blast to work with. She too, is loud mouth, determined, and just in general seems like a fun one to 'play' with. I look forward to many more weeks working out with her!

So here we go again, about 4 weeks too late into the the start of the new program, but better late than never. The last time I posted this was June 30th, and I am posting it again:

"I want to say that I apologize if starts to consume me, but I won't. This is what I have wanted and this is what I need. I have an addictive personality, and I'm hoping this is where it can shine threw and help me out...

So please be a friend, be supportive

Thank you all!!!

The Great Brandini~"


For those of you who don't know, last Saturday Becky, Aaron, Marissa, and I all participated in the 'Dirdy Birdy' race. It is Portland's muddiest 5k. Below are some pics of the event. I can't wait till next year to do it again, this was soo much fun!

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing. - Dale Carnegie

I can still remember 11 or so years ago the things people said to me when they found out I was a teen mom. I remember the people who didn't believe in me, and the few that did, I remember the ones who said I would abandon my children and turn to drugs or alcohol for my problems, I would live off welfare, and never finish high school...I was a teen parent, and quite frankly the statistics were really not in my favor.

But to all those folks I'd like to say thank you. You definitely have been a driving force in my life to make sure that I can prove you wrong, and for those of you that were supportive, I'd like to give you something to be proud of.

There is not just one event that has triggered this blog, but a quite a few things have been happening with them, especially with Aaron, going to their conferences just blew me away, and made me think. 'I did this, no Heath and I did this' Here are our results summed up:

Aaron - Aaron last year faced a few struggles, but he was not hesitant at all to leave them lying in the dust somewhere. He is at way off the charts on reading, and comprehending. His writing has made a huge improvement, he is clear, and can stick with the story at hand, while making sure there is a little 'Aaron' in every story. His math is top of the charts as well, he is an active participant, and is never afraid to ask if he doesn't understand things. Aaron has the pleasure of having the same teacher he had last year, and Mr. Volz is really just blown away buy the improvements Aaron has made in such a short time. He is amazing!

Marissa - is amazing at all she does. She is funny, social, smart, responsible, knows when to put on her game face in class. She writes beautifully and has an amazingly strong 'voice' when writing. She is off the charts in her reading...well all subjects for that matter. She is not afraid of trying new ways to solve problems, and jumps right into trying it out when Ms. Farrell shows her different strategies. You could see the passion in her teachers face as she spoke of Marissa.She is astounding!

Not one 'but' or 'we need to work on this' for either of them, both of them are top of their game, and are going to do amazing! I am so incredibly proud of them, words cannot say. I have never walked away from a conference so blown away before. They have always exceeded my expectations, but this time was just amazing!

Anyways,moving on...
I know I am not any where near close to being done raising these kids, and I am truly grateful for that. I see something in them, something great! I know I am just a few years away from the teen years, and many of you will 'ugh' and say those are the hardest, and ya know what...I am not scared at all. For awhile I was, I was afraid, I had heard so many horror stories, and I remember what I put my mom through (sorry mom), but I see something in my kids and it calms me, and I am not afraid. I more than anything am so excited to see where we go from here, what is the next thing they will do that will just blow my mind and make me think 'wow, how the hell did I create something so amazing?'

The past 11 years has been incredibly fun, we have had our ups and definitely our downs, but we always pull through. We have a great family, and a wonderful support system. I am so proud to have these guys in my life. :)

B~

There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them. - Phyllis Battome

Here is my next challenge: Pull ups...easy as it sounds, after a bit of research, people seem to express how difficult they are, even for some fit folks out there, but especially with my body weight. Luckily it is steadily decreasing, and my muscle mass is growing, its still quite a bit to pull up.

BUT...

I am gonna do it anyways.

Gotta love the google, believe it or now, I just googled 'How to do pull-ups'

Wondering if I can post videos on this thing? Well if so, I will post my pull up... :) Oh...maybe I should post my attempted pull-up today to watch my progress...hmmm just maybe :)

Anyways, just throwing one of my goals out there...

The past 16 weeks...

I have successfully completed the first session of the "Human Billboard" Program. 16 weeks of working my ass off (literally) with Becky, and an amazing group of people!!! I have met many new people, with the same goals in mind, and some with different, but all of us working together having fun. I've seen people give up, and go back to living a life of complacency, however I did it, I made 16 weeks, and I have seen amazing changes in me not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

Unfortunately I have not had the final body pinch yet, but you can bet I will have it posted with everything I started at, to what I am currently at. Just from my last pinch I know I had dropped 4% body fat, lost about 27 pounds, and over 10 inches. When I started I was wearing a size 18/20 and now am about 13/14. I no longer HAVE to shop at the larger lady stores, in fact, I really can't. If I want a pair of pants, a shirt, or a dress I can go almost anywhere. I find new muscles all the time, I can wrap my towel around me, I have inspired others to lose weight, or be more active, I am stronger in general, and my fav...I can run! All of these may seem like little things to you, but to me they are accomplishments no matter how small. I have this whole new sense of self confidence, and am so happy that whatever it was finally clicked, and that I am living this life full of no excuses!

I am still not the best I can be at my food choices, but I choose to eat healthier, eat 'less', and can read food labels and somewhat understand. I don't beat myself up for my cheats, even if not on a 'cheat day', and I just move on and try to make better choices the next go round. I am still learning this, and think that to help out that my next term may involve a nutrition class.

I have seen so much support from friends new and old, but on the same page, I have also seen the ones that aren't supportive at all. I really appreciate those of you that have been there for me, you know who you are. You have offered support, and encouragement, offered to go on hikes, eat the food I eat and just in general listened to all my excitement. I honestly can't thank you enough!!!

Becky...you are an absolutely incredible woman, and such an inspiration!!! Words cannot really put into words what you have done for me, you have kept me motivated through this all, laughed with me at my "cheat" and poor choices, knowing I would get back on track, you kept things positive and fun, listened to some of the struggles I have had, and just in been general always been there for me! You saw my capibilites even when I didn't, you have been a friend, and without you I don't know that I would have made it this far. Thank you for believing in me!!!

So for now this is it, Today was the last class, and on Tuesday I start up a new 16 weeks...until then, I am resting (as per Becky) then I'm gonna come back and rock another 16 weeks!!!

Brandini~